Monday Blues

fear of unknown

I woke well before my alarm to one of those nightmares that is so immediate and real that minutes pass before you realize where you really are.  It was about a carpet I bought in India.  It had huge bare spots when I unraveled it as a gift to my husband.  I was furious.  At myself.  Because I knew I shouldn’t trust those carpet guys.  I knew better.  I wanted to walk away from the whole set up but I didn’t.  I had my girls with me and I consciously adopted a casual, relaxed attitude.

No, worries.  This is good.  They can see how this haggling business works.

My mind flashed back to the awkward moments when I thought about walking out.  When I changed my mind but felt now trapped in the deal.  I failed to listen to my gut.  I allowed these very serious, sincere business men to intimidate me.  Even when in my gut, I wanted to walk away.  And now here I am, thousands of miles and many months away and there is nothing I can do.  I have a crappy carpet as a symbol of my namby pamby girly reflex to play nice and keep the peace. (the actual carpet is fine and shhhhh, it’s a Christmas gift.)

The dream haunted my morning, racing around prodding sleepy children to drink some probiotic infused smoothie, brush hair, chop up healthy snacks and find missing shoes or backpacks.  Given the topic of ADHD and stimulant treatment has crept into our household consciousness and conversation, my 7th grader who has self diagnosed herself with inattentive ADD suggested she would like to “test” the idea that caffeine helps an ADD brain by grabbing a Starbucks mocha latte on the way to school.  Though deep down I balked at the idea, mostly because we had NO spare time for a stop like that, I agreed.  The children all scrambled and we hit the one Starbucks no one ever goes to near our house.  Not five minutes down the road she spilled her coffee on her lap and began screaming.  It wasn’t all that hot but for reasons that parents with dramatic children may understand, it was an insufferable pain that she simply could not manage.  We got to school and I checked to make sure she wasn’t burned.  Her black jeans were barely wet, her skin unharmed, but her nerves shattered.  I exhaled and muttered to myself about listening to my gut and dumb ideas only stressed out people make.

Meanwhile little man was going off like an alarm.  I asked Chloe to try to cry more quietly but she just can’t.  Before we left the house, he said he didn’t want to go to school but I figured I’d slide him into class so fast he wouldn’t know what hit him.  In the parking lot, he says his stomach hurts.  He says it’s too loud and there are too many children.  I patiently explain that he will only be in the quiet parts of school and he will have an aid so if it gets overwhelming there are even more quiet places he gets to go.  He digs in.  I know this will not turn around.  I remind him that we will still have to do some reading and math at home, even if he doesn’t go.  He insists.

I walk in to school to tell the front desk that I successfully delivered only one of three children today.  The front desk woman is an angel.  She worked with little man on his happiest day back last Friday and confided to me her own personal discoveries with an Asperger’s/ADHD child who is now 13.  The principal happens to be nearby and I let her know little man is refusing school, both so that she knows I gave it my best shot and so she can let the aid leave.  I feel so badly that they are making these wonderful, no-doubt expensive accommodations for him and he is not taking advantage of it.

I feel bewildered.  I want to crawl back in bed.

I arrived home and found a piece of GREAT news in my mailbox.  Little man’s “spider remedy.”  Our amazing homeopath (practicing over 25 years now) interviewed me for well over an hour, analyzed a ten page health summary and drew upon his decades of experience to come up with a homeopathic remedy that might help calm down the anxious system of a child like mine.  I’ve had huge success with homeopathy over the years so I don’t need a heck of a lot of convincing.  When I heard that ADHD’s primary pharmaceutical treatment is stimulant drugs I thought, “That’s like treating like.  That’s homeopathy!”  And then I found this article that gave me hope.

The children were evaluated according to the Conners Global Index (CGI), which is the most respected scale that measures the degree of hyperactivity and attention deficit symptoms. The children who responded to the homeopathic medicine experienced a 55-percent amelioration of the CGI, while the children who responded to Ritalin experienced a 48-percent amelioration of the CGI. Three children didn’t respond to homeopathy or Ritalin, and one child left the study before completion. The researchers concluded that homeopathic treatment was comparable in its benefits to Ritalin — and homeopathic medicines simply do not have the side effects that Ritalin has.

It is a definite no brainer to start with homeopathy, especially since I have an established relationship with our doctor and I trust him given his background as a psychologist to boot.

I gave little man his spider remedy, assuring him he isn’t going to turn into Spider Man, just feel better.  I asked him to report back any changes in his body or feelings, about anything.  I know from past treatments of other issues that homeopathy is slow and gentle.  There isn’t likely to be any immediate or overnight changes, but hopefully his body will be stimulated to do some healing in all the right places.

If only I trusted my own instincts as much.

Little man and I did some mediation last night.  He enjoyed putting his frustrating thoughts in the tibetan bowl and then giving it a good ring as we sat facing each other, eyes closed, listening to the sound “rain” wash it all away.  I will try to do that with him every night before bedtime, along with a good book.

We have one more good thing to look forward to today:  chiropractic.  My husband has an amazing practitioner who has helped him with some serious structural misalignments and she says she has done very effective cranial sacral work with children for a range of issues.  Apparently it’s very common for children to have troubles if their craniums do not fuse or pop out of compression properly after vaginal deliveries.  We have an appointment at noon.  I’ll let you know if there is anything particularly noteworthy about this experience.

Thank you to everyone who has contacted me in one way or another to share stories and support.  I consider every single one of you stars lighting up this scary path through uncertainty.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s